It’s a beautiful midday just before the summer solstice and I am exhausted. I make myself a cup of plain cocoa and water, my version of black coffee, and prepare to write. Sit and breathe…
My being feels pulled in two: positive excitement to be reopening the centre this fall—and anger with deep underlying sadness about difficulties that have erupted between my sister and me. The details need to be private to honour my sister. She doesn’t spread her personal life in blogs as I do. And yet, I still feel that it’s important to mention this as it isn’t unique and causes much pain in families. Witness this article sent to me by Sylvia McGee, which acknowledges that there is not very much written about sibling conflict. Or very much support. https://www.psychologytoday.com/articles/201503/the-ties-unwind?utm_source=FacebookPost&utm_medium=FBPost&utm_campaign=FBPost
The issues between us go back to childhood of course and bring up so much emotion that I feel swamped, especially at night. I keep turning bitter thoughts around to opening my heart, feel better for a while, and then relapse into reactivity.
…Several busy days later, early morning. It’s the actual solstice and Father’s Day. Yesterday we celebrated the longest day with Trish Wall https://ecowellness.wordpress.com/2015/06/26/trish-shines-at-solstice/ and then attended the annual barn dance hosted by our MPP Jack MacLaren https://ecowellness.wordpress.com/2015/06/26/when-politics-is-heart-warming/. Then home to tend to an orphan skunk I found staggering around the main street in Carp on Friday evening, bewildered and dehydrated. https://ecowellness.wordpress.com/2015/06/26/cute-but-smelly-visitor/
…Now it is a whole week later. I have not been able to write in the midst of my turmoil. The good news is that my sister’s recent brain MRI was clear of cancer and she is doing exceptionally well. After speaking to my close friend Stephen, I see our process from a bigger perspective of family healing: the bitter old toxins need to leak out and as they clear, my love for my sister will emerge stronger than ever. This helps me handle the strong emotions by aiming to remain as neutral as possible, focussing on my breath instead of escalating the story, thereby allowing the process to move forward without getting stuck in it. I am grateful to have found a path through the clouds!
On the easier side of things, I am full of summer energy and using it to plan the new version of the centre. Today I had a delightful meeting with three young counsellors for the holistic summer camp which starts soon and I’m hoping to offer another week in August, then a full summer in 2016. We have a new member on our staff, Sue Hall (see link), with whom I am developing various programs, a unique online store and holistic services. More about that in the next newsletter. Finally, I am realizing my dream of holding free monthly healing circles at the Carp Memorial Hall where we held the Carp Dinner Talks last year, working with Reiki Master Sylvia McGee who was central to the dinners as well.
My personal health continues to improve and I feel younger than I have in a long time, despite the emotional distress. My joint pains are almost gone where before I could barely walk when waking up in the morning. My digestion is slowly starting to normalize after two decades of distress. My eyes are stable so I can continue to avoid cataract surgery. My energy is improving, allowing me to have sleepless nights and still be productive the next day. Even my hair is slightly less gray, something I’d heard could happen, but haven’t seen before. The breast reduction surgery is having some repercussions with a slow-to-heal sore and tenderness—but I am so delighted to be lighter in that area, it barely bothers me at all!
On the emotional and mental levels, I continue to work with EMDR therapist Mary Ann Carmichael. This is the most important factor in allowing me to spiral up even as I get older as stress is my weakest link and the cause of most of my physical conditions. Other than the family situation, my main challenge is not to do too much with my somewhat manic energy this time of year, grin…
Much reason for gratitude for sure, as well as the pleasure of being in a career where I can pass it on! Wishing you well during these beautiful summer days and looking forward to seeing some of you in fall.