I’m on the wagon

Natural Health in the Trenches, Katherine Willow’s monthly heath diary

It’s Friday afternoon at my kitchen table on the day after the big wind.  I am doing well, surprisingly well given how the week started.

After the Easter weekend, where I took full advantage of a planned exception to my sugar-free year, I hit another one of my walls.  Not because of eating sugar, although I’m sure that didn’t help, but because the self-imposed stress of my life jumped up and threatened to sink me.  It was a feeling of total overwhelm, looming sickness and death.  It was one of those moments where I couldn’t hide from what I was doing to myself any longer.

And something shifted.  Pushed to the very edge of my own limits, I suddenly saw clearly that I couldn’t continue like this.  A classic midlife point!

So I stopped, just let it go.  Decided to loosen my schedule so I can breathe and start REALLY taking care of myself, not just pretending to as a cover for my addictive work habits.  I actually FELT myself from the inside out — versus THINKING about myself from how others might be seeing (and judging) me on the outside.  It’s what I’ve known I needed to do for decades. . . and it simply took this long to truly sink in. . . I’m a slow learner, grin. . .

Of course, after this resolution my body went into a classic German New Medicine healing crisis: my sinuses (coming out of a stinky situation) and lungs (fear of death aftermath) filled up and my energy dropped like a stone.  It was similar to the last three bouts of illness that I’ve had, but with a big difference: I knew I was coming home this time.  The previous attempts at breaking through my dissociative coping patterns went into “hanging healings” that lasted for 3 or 4 weeks of illness without me really changing anything, although they were probably necessary steps.  This one is almost over after two days, I have good energy, the coughing is minimal and my mind is clear.  I know from the inside what I need to do and have started to do it.

Now that I’m “on the wagon”, maybe for the first time in my life, I will continue to go to Deb Boldt for supportive therapy in deepening and anchoring the process, practice the tools that Amber is sharing in her very good relaxation class, keep going to Lise’s delicious retreats and most of all, allow myself space and time to heal decades of tension, physically, mentally and emotionally!  I have no illusion that my work is over, I’ve just been able to put away the bottle. . . for now. . .

The funny thing is that when I told my personal assistant about my decision, she gave a huge sigh of relief and asked to hug me.  Later that afternoon she went home early as she wasn’t feeling well — going through her own healing crisis!!

I think everything will be better now: personal health and energy, family, relationships and finally. . . work.  I’ll let you know.

Next month I’ll be coming back to practice, even though the book is not yet finished.  I suspect I will actually be relaxed, refreshed and pleased to be seeing patients again, sharing what I’ve learned to support others through their own healing process (I’ll be back formally on June 21, Tuesdays and Thursdays from 9-1. And after several years, my fee will increase to $175/hr).

Thanks for listening.  I hope this makes even a little sense.  It certainly has been helpful for me to write.

Here’s hoping you are having a graceful spring. . .

~ katherine

PS: We lost a very loved patient last month, Jodie Hoerdt, after a long battle with cancer treatments.  We pass on our great appreciation for having had the honour of working with Jodie and her family.  She taught us much about what is needed to support people towards healing, whether that be on this or the other side.  Jodie, know that your fight was not in vain. kwxx