Searching for courage: Katherine’s monthly diary

I’m at a family gathering in New York state, working past my deadline while folks are puttering about getting breakfast.  We are celebrating the twentieth anniversary of our mother’s death.

The past month has been intense, but not something I can write about in detail without compromising people.  In summary, a new situation is challenging my weakest point, being able to confront when it’s likely that the other person will respond aggressively.

And yet, it is my responsibility to do so right now.  My brain churns to find an alternative solution that will keep the peace and comes up empty-handed.

So my life is disrupted while I search for my courage and my centre.  I do my best in maintaining a healthy diet, continuing to exercise when all I want to do is to stay in bed and keep my meditation practice, breathing into a fear that seems without end.  I realize that I am being triggered into old childhood trauma and that this is a great opportunity to heal.  Groan. . . .

Other than this, Felix is totally toilet trained, has started to play micro-soccer with other 3-5 year olds, is working through a phase of being obsessed with guns and is still happy to help with our gardening efforts.  Although, I have come to realize that I am actually a terrible gardener, a little bit of a shock.

That’s all there is time for right now.  We are going on a family hike up to a high ridge and then having a ceremony for my mum.

warm regards~
katherine