My view from the back of the new clinic is brown and grey now that the snow has melted. Green shoots are poking their way up through a blanket of old leaves. The spring sun seems brilliant after the diminished light of winter. Nature is on the verge of bursting into growth.
That’s exactly how I feel while we prepare to re-open the centre with its new bed and breakfast after what seems like eons of treading water. It’s a little overwhelming and sometimes I wonder what I’ve gotten myself into. But as things take shape, clutter gets cleaned up, programs developed and new staff hired, there is a contagious excitement that we are all feeling.
On top of all that, I’ve just completed two cataract surgeries, not very big procedures but with spectacular results. My experienced surgeon, Dr. MacInnis, has met my visual needs perfectly—I now don’t need glasses for near or far! This is miraculous after being virtually blind in one eye the last two years and requiring glasses to recognize the person sitting next to me since I was seven. That’s over half a century of waking up reaching for my glasses and having backup glasses for even the shortest of car trips. I am ecstatic, still in wonder and very grateful.
My next personal quest is to get back into shape. During the time of nursing my sister I wasn’t disciplined enough to keep exercising and lost my muscles. I look forward to rebuilding my strength, endurance and metabolism. To start I’ll go back to my previous routine but if needed I’ve decided to bite the bullet and go to a gym. I know that this will help everything else—especially my energy, which is always lower in the winter. Hoping that getting fit will prevent such a dip next December…
The other conditions that I continue to heal are low thyroid and irritable bowel, both of which will benefit by finding more time for myself, something I’ve let slip in all the busyness these days.
On the emotional and spiritual dimensions, I’m experiencing the typical unfolding that tends to happen in middle age—and loving it…well, maybe not always… Issues that felt like life and death no longer upset me so much resulting in a more stable mood and a deeper appreciation of life in general.
It’s interesting to be having sleep disruptions in which painful memories surface. Some nights I don’t sleep at all. I think this is part of a natural clearing process that is needed if I am going to handle the workload coming up and be present for other people. When I let myself face the pain, I am ok the next day. If I distract and avoid, I feel like crap. Even knowing this, I often distract…
Helping me with this inner process is our gentle resident naturopathic doctor, Marcin Padlewski. He uses EMDR (eye movement desensitization and regulation) to work on baggage that I’ve stuffed into my cells. One day I didn’t want to see him and almost cancelled. After an intense session I realized that I was unconsciously trying to continue suppressing difficult emotions, but then felt so much better after they were released. It always amazes me how I keep forgetting this simple principle!!
Thank you for listening again. It always helps me to write about what is really going on for myself. May your spring growth be smooth and I look forward to serving you at one of our centre offerings.